Top 10 Reasons Why Men Shouldn’t Be Ordained

June 26, 2009

(one of our commenters posted this and it’s too funny not to share with all of you. thanks chris. :)

10. A man’s place is in the army.

9. For men who have children, their duties might distract them from the responsibilities of being a parent.

8. Their physical build indicates that men are more suited to tasks such as chopping down trees and wrestling mountain lions. It would be “unnatural” for them to do other forms of work.

7. Man was created before woman. It is therefore obvious that man was a prototype. Thus, they represent an experiment, rather than the crowning achievement of creation.

6. Men are too emotional to be priests or pastors. This is easily demonstrated by their conduct at football games and watching basketball tournaments.

5. Some men are handsome; they will distract women worshipers.

4. To be ordained pastor is to nurture the congregation. But this is not a traditional male role. Rather, throughout history, women have been considered to be not only more skilled than men at nurturing, but also more frequently attracted to it. This makes them the obvious choice for ordination.

3. Men are overly prone to violence. No really manly man wants to settle disputes by any means other than by fighting about it. Thus, they would be poor role models, as well as being dangerously unstable in positions of leadership.

2. Men can still be involved in church activities, even without being ordained. They can sweep paths, repair the church roof, change the oil in the church vans, and maybe even lead the singing on Father’s Day. By confining themselves to such traditional male roles, they can still be vitally important in the life of the Church.

1. In the New Testament account, the person who betrayed Jesus was a man. Thus, his lack of faith and ensuing punishment stands as a symbol of the subordinated position that all men should take.

26 Responses to “Top 10 Reasons Why Men Shouldn’t Be Ordained”

  1. Mike J Says:

    That was great!

  2. vincetastic Says:

    Hey Linda, this top ten list is fantastic. I thought your list was very so funny, I was laughing after 10., thank goodness that is not the case, I would do horribly in the army. You can post this to our site and link back to your site. We are trying to create a directory for top ten lists where people can find your site. The coolest feature is you can let other people vote on the rankings of your list.

  3. Universality Says:

    I see it this way: man shouldn’t be ordained, no man nor a woman. Of course, a woman was first, it’s scientifically proved beyond doubt; women were physically weaker and so man who is more aggressive and hunting, spreading his semen (he has a lot of it, so he does) but woman is so special having just one egg and there are not many eggs, so she is selecting always; man got in charge of everything throughout the history, and so religions are always politics. Man/woman doesn’t need a religion to have a relationship with God which is always personal never as a group of the same believers (thanks goodness, there are also ‘the knowers’, therefore they don’t need to believe and be believers). Everything what has an agenda – is politics. Religions have been created to manipulate people and to make them fearful. Religions like Christianity, Islam and Judaism sell a promise. The hell is now and never later. The Heaven is now, too. And everything is consciousness; perhaps to shift awareness is what one needs. No need to influence this or another, everything has to be found or not to be found by himself. It is ridiculous to pray to a man who is dead since 2 000 years! And: I am not atheist. Libraries and internet is full of endless repetitions! People always thieved and have stolen and influenced each other and so did folks and tribes and they don’t do this differently nowadays. They simply don’t give a new aspect, the so called academia sitting there in their secure chairs, nor does Vatican; why is there no one of them who would go into dirt and difficulty and bush to find the truth by direct experience, instead of covering the eyes of their believers with fancy golden candles and windows and gold and fancy robes? But it’s fine, we all make our choices. It’s not for everybody, thanks goodness. The holy books have been translated by illiterates, forgotten here one word, created there another word, they are not that what their reader think they are. You can’t have a definition on subjective: it’s like, which bird makes the best call? …You see, people don’t listen. The meaning is so difficult to define for they can’t see through the eyes of the sun or a cat or beggar and they can’t feel their own mass. The only time they experience, say such a thing as mass is when they are dissatisfied and so they have desire. If there is a big rock in the garden and I don’t care then I don’t experience its mass but when you to move it then you experience its mass, so if you like you can rewrite one of the Buddha s precepts. Desire is the cause of all suffering, physics is desire, explanations occur when desire is frustrated.
    Even T. S. Eliot couldn’t resist it, he had to explain his religious superstitions and you can see he doesn’t belong to the universe, he doesn’t have own images, he stole them from the bible, academic everywhere and if you look carefully at his images of tarot, he even didn’t understand them. Generalizations are crippling, they turn people to slaves and people repeat influential, famous thinkers, it’s how the slavery occurs, it is caused by imitation; you don’t need to have guns; it’s graded words (from superlative down to ordinary to less enthusiastic), and so they belong inside somebody else’s ideas they don’t belong to the universe: they belong to the universities.

  4. Carolyn Says:

    This is hilarious. Thanks for posting.

  5. Matt Says:

    would have used the exact logic of the Orthodox position and use proof texts that tie ordination primarily to biology.

     Eg the fact that Jesus is Jewish and born in Bethlhem proves all ordained must be of the same biological make up.  If we could figure out how tall Jesus was that give us yet another very helpful metric for determinig whether one is qualified to minister to others.

    Or the fact that Zechariah is made mute by God while Mary sings, in Luke 2, shows that men are mostly skeptics who don’t believe Gods news easily.  Mary again believes God and then tells unbelieving, skeptical men–who were supposed to be the most ordained people in the world since they were called by Jesus–when she’s the bearer of the message of the Resurrection (the most important sermon ever given if what Paul says in 1 cor 15 is true).  If you really want to get ugly we can bring in Judas as exhibit c–Judas proves that men, in addition to being skeptical, unbelieving, and deserving of angelic duct tape over the mouth, are also likely to sell Jesus out when it seems profitable.

    The men chosen by Jesus are in the narrative not to give us biological qualifications for “ordination”, which is a word Jesus did not ever use, they are there to show us how unbelievably hard it is for us to follow Jesus because he is a completly different kind of King who rules in a completely new, sacrificial way.  It’s unbelievably hard first of all because it’s hard to believe executed persons might be eternal Lords; and it’s even harder to believe in this new kind of rule when we expect God to endorse our culture’s power relationships or usual ways of ruling (men over woman; free over slave; Jew over Greek; white over black; rich over poor; talented over “useless”) rather than call them on the carpet as false idols.   

  6. […] Top 10 Reasons Men Shouldn’t Be Ordained By talialovesyou [Via] […]

  7. Dee Says:

    Very funny. Hope to read more.

  8. Pamela Urfer Says:

    I was watching a film from the 90s yesterday, CRIMSON TIDE, with a young Denzel Washington and an old Gene Hackman, in a nuclear submarine during the Cold War (Tom Clancy book.) When the Captain (Hackman) got too emotional about the Commies, Denzel stepped in to take over his command. At that point ALL the men in the crew got WAY emotionally involved on one side or the other. Men should definitely not be given the codes for nuclear warheads!

  9. […] good to pass up re-posting this: 10. A man’s place is in the […]

  10. […] 12, 2009 von Alex „10 Reasons Why Men Should Not Be Ordained“ von . Inzwischen ein kleiner Klassiker im Netz, weil’s so schön ist auch mal auf […]

  11. […] since we are the Top 10 theme, how about Top 10 reasons men shouldn’t be ordained. […]

  12. RobS Says:

    Get over yourself!

  13. Bob Chapman Says:

    You forgot the best reason for not ordaining men.

    From Genesis, we know it took the Father of All Lies to cause Eve to fall.

    From Genesis, we know it only took a woman to cause Adam to fall.

  14. Nick Says:

    Umm.. christian feminists crack me up.

    Number 7- woman were created from the rib of a man. meaning you were a part of the original, only created because Adam couldn’t find a wife in the animals.

    Number 5- Adultery. Banishment to eternal life in Hell.

    Number 2- Men have power of women, no doubt. You are a slave to our will and your only reason to live is to please man. YOU will be the one doing the work.

    Number 1- The only reason a man betrayed Jesus was because every one of his disciples were male. And also it was foretold that one would turn against him, mankind had no control over the situation.

    Believe it or not, Christians follow the Bible. Maybe you should try reading it? Just a thought.

    As for me, I believe in none of this nonsense and would rather live in a more understandable and equal world. :)

  15. Lisa Says:

    Just found your blog and this.

    It’s absolutely rich. Wonderful. I almost did a coffee spit take.

  16. linda Says:

    thanks lisa!

    in case some of our regular readers are wondering why we’ve had some rather snarky comments lately it seems this post went a bit viral and we’ve attracted some heresy hunter types. i think the best thing to do is just continue ignoring them as we have been. :)

  17. Nick Says:

    Dear Linda,
    Ignoring us is exactly the same as you ignoring the Bible. You do it because its a sad truth and you do not want to accept it.

  18. linda Says:

    nick, if you’ll click on the author beautiaful you’ll see that we are very much into studying scripture here. tia lynn has done a series starting with genesis and going thru the entire bible. sorry to disappoint you!!

    just a friendly warning that rude commenters here will be blocked although i’ve never had to block anyone. we have no problem with disagreement as long as it is done with gentleness and respect but rude behavior will not be tolerated here just as it wouldn’t be if you were in my house.

  19. A.J. Says:

    Do you realize that this is blasphemy?

    Repent and Believe the Gospel

  20. linda Says:

    i think a couple of you don’t seem to get it that this is just humor. we don’t think men shouldn’t be ordained. i can’t believe i just had to explain that!

  21. Ben Mordecai Says:

    #11. Because 1st Jessica 2:12 says, “I do not permit a man to teach or to exercise authority over a woman; rather, he is to remain quiet.”

  22. […] I ran across this blog post from last year while I was doing some research: Top 10 Reasons Why Men Shouldn’t Be Ordained. […]

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